just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
