You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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