the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
