Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
we should paint friendship bongs
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