Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
