I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My room smells like vodka and shame
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
