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• (816): View more from Missouri

  His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain

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• (518): View more from New York

  In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen

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• (315): View more from New York

  And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry

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• (228): View more from Mississippi

  It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.

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• (619): View more from California

  Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Did you offer her some?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  If only. Current status: Not that clever.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.

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