The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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