Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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