there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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