I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize