Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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