Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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