Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
