Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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