my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
