Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
In America we eat man semen.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I will be naked everywhere
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
