as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
