i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
