i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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