Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
