I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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