Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
His hands were made for my vagina.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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