Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
