Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
