At least make sure they are 18
Why
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
