I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
