Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
