i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
