Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
