honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
