Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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