I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize