Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We named our party play list daddy issues
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
