Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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