you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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