The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
