Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
