Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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