ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
