I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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