Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
