I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
