i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
