I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize