So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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