So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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