We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize