I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We have started to decorate penises.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
