I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
