my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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