i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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