you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
