I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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