Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
where does the pee come out of this thing
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
