I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
