break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
