Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
