we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
