upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize