Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
