she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Say something about gay babies.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
