Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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