peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Its about making memories worth repressing
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well I just put wine in my tea
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
