having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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