if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
