my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
