Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
