I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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