I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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