accomplished twins. life is a go
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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