I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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