I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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