Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
