He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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