Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
