i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
