Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
