You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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